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(What Would An Angel Say?) life is *insert verb+adjective here* [08 Mar 2007|12:01pm] These are some of my new siblings. Gah. Cute,loud,messy,and ttoally adorable. *i wont need to have kids for sixteen years* They really are too cute. Am I horrible for having favorites? Damon. I see him rarely but Im always happy when I do. ....Even if I am making funny faces.

(1 Let The Devil Know | What Would An Angel Say?) [25 Dec 2006|03:56pm] Happy holidays, whatever you believe. Eat lots of turkey. Vegans can just eat santa(they forgot to create turkey or piggy shaped animal crackers). ;p

(What Would An Angel Say?) [19 Dec 2006|09:57pm] thats it. who wants me to come visit for a week.i swear to cook and clean as long as you make sure my cell phone is far away from me and to keep my existace hidden from everyone else. seriously.

(1 Let The Devil Know | What Would An Angel Say?) [22 Aug 2006|08:55pm] GUESS WHO IS NOW FINISHED WITH HIGH SCHOOL FOREVER?!?!?! Thats right bitches. I passed them all. I have completed and passed my GED. Im technically finished with high school a year earlier than my peers. Even better. Now for celebrating. Mwahahahaha. Moms buying my first fire poi set as a 'graduation' present. Everything is good.

(What Would An Angel Say?) Didnt you know? Shes only human after all..... [28 Jun 2006|05:40pm] The little rusty angel is wandering again Her face its careful mask Of disciplined coldness She passes you by In the cold glare of the sunlight On this early winter morning A shiver courses through your blood As you take in her blank expression But in an instant in time Where her eyes rise to find Your uninvited perusal Tick tock One second and your world explodes At the desolate hunger you percieve In her world weary eyes The barely whispered sighs That you never should have heard. As of late Ive been holding a lot in to keep others happy, to keep them from knowing just how far gone I am. And I hate them for it. I want to scream at so many people because Ive listened and tried to help, tried to be good, tried to be nice. Ive tried to make sure I wasnt drama or emo, and somehow I still ended up back where I was at years ago. I want to scream and shout and fucking cry, and it seems a majority of people wont let me in the attempt to save their own sanity, whereas Ive been donating mine to help out lately. And I hate so many people for it. I listen and say nice things, but inside I want to fucking scream at them. I dont know whats wrong with me anymore. I know the problem but not how to fix it. I keep telling myself to get over it, but I dont think I ever really will. Deep down inside I feel like a fucking monster, and I have a feeling that that will always kind of be inside. So many people are probably tired of hearing all of this. Most of you probably think Im insane by now. I dont cre anymore. Im just tired of holding everything in in the attempt to please you fucking hypocrits that cant take reality anymore. Im tired of trying to fill up my void with your problems. Im tired of a lot of things. I dont want it anymore. I dont want this life anymore. I want to be allowed to be human for a day. A day where I feel like its okay to fucking scream and cry and get angry and someone will be there to listen to it all. Someone to be there to tell me it'll be okay, even if we both know it wont be. I want someone to lie to me and tell me it's all going to be fine for a change, instead of being the liar saying everythings fine. I want someone to lie to me and tell me everything will be fine.

(What Would An Angel Say?) [22 Apr 2006|08:06pm] Hello everyone. In a spectacular idea/endevor, I am writing a book in the form of a blog, a candide book, and Im using livejournal for my nefarious purposes.If anyone should be interested in this in the slightest, please leave a message, and I will give you the name and add you, because it will be a friend sonly journal until it is completed, and who knows, it may never be really finished, but I can try.

(What Would An Angel Say?) drunken self evaluation [19 Apr 2006|03:32am] Self Evaluation: Still smoking: yes Still drinking: yup Still designing and making clothes: yupperz Still dreaming: yupp Still wishing on stars: yup Still embracing the odd, unusual, and insane: ypu Still doin crazy things in the name of living: yupyup Still writing: definitely Still burrowing my head under the pillows: more than ever Still trying to cook all my friends the perfect omelette: yes Still ignoring random urge to join clergy: ummm thats a yes Still dancing in the rain: yea Still listening to all kinds of music religiously: oh yea Still imperfect: hell yes someone said i was experimental today, merely because id rather do something and know if it turned out good or bad, than not do something and lose out on anything.this evaluation tells me more than anything that i am right where i want to be. Still imperfect. And theres not any other way to be for someone who finds beauty in imperfection.

(What Would An Angel Say?) [17 Apr 2006|06:04pm] you know, my day was a mix of good and bad. someone called out, meaning an oppurtunity for me to work a good eight hours *which I needed to do considering i missed five last week* so getting up early was a good thing. however, being fucking bombed by the scariest people imaginable *and gail says x-mas is twenty times worse* and not being able to move for seven out of eight hours *aka standing there without the break required by law ha fucking ha* seemed to make my day a lot fucking longer. the bastard that was supposed to be at a register next to mine decided a fifteen minute break needed to be an hour, and either he had bad diarrehha or he was doing something besides going to the bathroom for thirty minutes ever hour or so. so yeah, i was bombed by frightening people, who bitched, moaned and complained about how few cashiers there were today. im so sorry im ranting like this. but there was another good thing about my day besides getting some extra cash. lionel, a dude who works in appliances....IS THE GREATEST FUCKING GUY ON THE FUCKING PLANET! on my break we were talking and i mentioned the music side of this weekend. Turns out the bastard has seen so many different bands. Beatles. Queen. Nirvana. Back when going to concert was a dolar and fifty cents. Think about it. He said he had to force himself to pay three dollars to see Aerosmith. WTF?! Then he asks me if Ive heard of the Jellyfish. I had, but not their music. Kyle told me about them sometime last week. SO yeah, seems like something I need to look up. Lionel, even if he does talk for-fucking-ever, is awesome. Hes letting me borrow a Jellyfish cd to burn, and ALL of his queen and beatles stuff. oh yeah, the ruth feels so much better after thinking about that. ta-ta.

(2 Let The Devil Know | What Would An Angel Say?) [20 Feb 2006|11:15pm] Ok, this is to the people who keep calling themselves my friends and saying theyd do anything to help me. I know this sounds bad, but I need that help. If any of you know me well, you know how hard it is to admit I need help. Im tired of seeing my mother running herself ragged every day, trying to work and fix this house up with her bare hands. I love her, and shes killing herself with exhaustion. If any of you give a remote damn about this, give me a call or leave a comment or im me when Im online saying youll help, because I need help so I can help my mom. Shes sick and shes still working her ass off trying to get this house fixed. I know some of you dont have a clue how to help, but I know some of you know how to hang sheetrock, and how to hammer a nail into wood. I know some of you could give the rest of us idiots some directions, or know some people that could. I need help. Please, Im begging you guys, please fucking help me so my mom doesnt end up in the hospital from physical exhaustion. It happened once when I was a kid and she was dealing with med school, three kids, and a husband who had cancer. Its similar now. I need this help everyone, please.

(2 Let The Devil Know | What Would An Angel Say?) [05 Dec 2005|07:14am]

(What Would An Angel Say?) [29 Nov 2005|11:28pm] I hate people sometimes,truely and honestly. I hate guys who use, actually, I hate people who use other people in general. I hope those people die. No, I hope the girls that do it have their tits fall off from gangreen. I hope something similar happens to the males,only a little bit more south of the anatomy. I dont like fake people, and Ive finally fucking broken under hearing too much bull shit from all of them. No more fake fucking people in my life or in my house. If I ever tell you "Do not come in my house" then dont even ask why. Just stay the fuck away from me in general. I dont have the time or the inclination to deal with you foolish, ignorant, obnoxios, little twits. So go at least fucking panhandle for a goddamn clue okay? to the peeps on the friend list, this is not for you, this is for people that most likely know who they are. if not, theyre are in for a rude awakening. because i feel like being a bitch and showing them the reality of my non-tolerance.

(6 Let The Devil Know | What Would An Angel Say?) [28 Nov 2005|08:07pm] Life is a blast. After looking in the mirror and going over some things....Well,being single never felt better. One day I will find the dream, but untill then,Imma have some fun. And in a pair of pants 'slightly' modified. Not to sound too arrogant or cocky, but Im fucking hot and now I know it. ----Edit---- I also just hit 300 reveiws in my story. My day is going fucking great.

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